Decca Aitkenhead meets a tough policy-maker turned twinkle toes, and likes what she sees...
I have known Ed Balls in political circles for nearly 20 years, but have never seen this man who looks like James Bond and poses for the camera like a pro, twirling around striking poses that makes Grazia's picture director whisper: "He's better at this than most celebrities!"
Soon, the ex-cabinet minister is squeezing into sequinned Jimmy Choo loafers – "I look like Peter Stringfellow!" – and while glitter balls are being arranged at his feet he shoots me a playful grin. "So, what do you think my ex-colleagues are doing this morning?"
As Gordon Brown's formidable right hand man, the Labour politician was widely feared in Westminster, and the loss of his seat at the last general election was the biggest shock of the night. But he has transformed himself into the surprise darling of Strictly Come Dancing, dad dancing his way into the nation's hearts. As I watch Balls pose I can't quite believe I'm about to say this – but our former shadow chancellor is hot.
Could he have posed so flamboyantly before Strictly? "No. But who knows when in life you'll ever get a chance to do something like this? So you've got to say to yourself, what a fabulous thing, don't think too hard, just embrace!"
When Strictly sent Balls an invitation in April, he was going to throw it in the bin, but happened to mention it to his wife, the Labour MP Yvette Cooper. Viewers have to her to thank for talking him around. Balls' biggest worry was that: "It would take me out of the world I was used to, and nobody would be interested in what I had to say about Europe or Brexit, because once you'd stepped into this world you'd be gone.
"The one thing I did decide right at the beginning was that I did not want to be this year's John Sargent or Ann Widdecombe." Unlike those comedy clodhoppers, he is keen to point out, he is actually trying to dance.
"I hoped my disco moves would translate onto the floor, so it was a bit of a shock to find out they didn't," he laughs. "The problem is, there isn't anybody else this year that's worse."
Politicians are usually guarded interviewees, but now his words pour out in a torrent of breathless excitement. When the series began he'd insisted on dancing in a suit, until he saw the other contestants and realised he looked like: "the BBC insurance guy who does risk assessments. So now when they suggest loads of sequins, I say fine!" Is this the true self he's been hiding all these years? "Well I've always known that I had this strong inner-camp. I've just never quite revealed it in this way."
Strictly is "definitely the most fun" Balls has had since losing his seat. Politicians are having fun watching him too, "Because they think it's good for people to see that politicians are human beings," but Balls doesn't think viewers would be enjoying it "if I was still able to vote on anything that actually affects their lives."
Brown, Ed Miliband, George Osborne and Theresa May have publicly declared themselves fans. Could he see himself ever returning to politics? "I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do next. I think politics second time round would feel like a re-tread, and probably disappointing. But never say never." He would recommend doing Strictly to David Cameron, but only "If he can laugh at himself!"
Should he look in danger of winning, would he – as Sargent did – pull out? "No! People are supporting you and paying to vote. But I think the show changes as it goes on, towards a dance focus. So the only way I'll stay in beyond a certain point is if my dancing is clearly getting better." For a moment, the old political strategist is back. "I'm not sure that people vote relatively across the group, I think they vote relatively across past performances. If I was only entertainment, it would end." Does he think he and Katya could win? "Nooooooo!"
His three teenage children are finding it all a bit embarrassing, but his wife travels down from Yorkshire every Saturday for the live show. Have they discussed the curse of Strictly? He laughs. "No. Katya's father is a year older than me, so there's no issue there. But it is a strikingly physical programme. And the hours are long, we rehearse eight hours a day, and it's emotional. So you can see how it happens to other people."
Balls said recently that the younger contestants sneak off to the pub without him. "That was a joke! No, there's a real sense of camaraderie." He shows me reams of messages between the contestants on their Whatsapp group, and says he's getting on particularly well with Greg Rutherford and Danny Mac, but bursts out laughing when I ask if he'd even heard of all of them before the show started.
"Course not! But then most of them hadn't heard of me, so that's fine."
Photographs by Pal Hansen.
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