All The Dresses From The Met Ball (If They Had Their Say)

'And, as I reflected back on a thousand broken hearts and seventeen empty bottles of hairspray, I couldn't help but wonder; was my head on fire?'

'Hey Kim, thanks for holding the reins for a while.'

'That moment when you so mad your stupid wife didn't listen to you about dressing like Beyonce and now you gotta go write a thirty track album about how the world will never understand your vision'.

'HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW I HAVE AN ALBUM CALLED REBEL HEART? I'M KIND OF KEEPING QUIET ABOUT IT. OMG WHO WROTE IT ON MY DRESS? (BUY IT).'

'You know what happens when you cross an 18th century Latin American Flamenco dancer with Mulan? Yep, that's me. Nailed it in one.'

'I'd like to give thanks to the entire flock of Big Birds that selflessly gave their lives so I could look as fucking awesome as I do now. Elmo, you're next.'

'Finally revealing myself as the industry's number one Audrey Hepburn impersonator. Or, you know, that girl from the Galaxy chocolate ads. I'll do either.'

Mate. Just in case all my Hollywood A-Listing had made you forget that I'm actually English, here's a crude drawing of a penis. Lad.

'It's Middle Earth chic. Party back at Rivendell after. We'll be burning some Orcs in celebration.'

'Hey guys, have you seen this month's issue of Sugar magazine? SO MANY FREE TRANSFER TATTOOS! I've got the rest in my locker if you want to use them later. It's only the shit ones left though. Sorry.'