Today, kids, on the the day before what’s meant to be the coldest evening of the year, is National Stress Awareness Day. What does that mean? It means you should absolutely, today of all days, not be sad about being stressed out, because it’s a normal thing that happens to normal people who try and exist in our crazy, crazy world.
Luckily, today is also Britney Spears day, according to the city of Las Vegas who declared 5 November ‘Britney Day’ in honour of her Vegas residency. Since we here at The Debrief have on occasion heard our offices referred to as 'Sin City' (we absolutely haven't but if one of you fancies saying that it would be much appreciated), we've always felt a certain affinity with Las Vegas, and from here on out, we'll be adopting all its holidays. Starting with Britney Day.
So, seeing as Britney herself is bascially the ass-kicking godmother of today’s pop world, we thought we’d take a look at some of the sticky situations she’s encountered and see how she managed to punch stress in the proverbial bollocks*.
*On a serious note, if you are reallly, worryingly stressed, visit the International Stress Management Association’s website for advice on what to do. And hang in there, girl, you’ve got this.
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Anyways, back to Britney and her stress busting moves...
That time everyone had a dance partner except her
Please, did she care even a little bit? Doo-rags and frosted tips are so 1999, Britney like, can’t even be bothered to give these guys the time of day. Plus, she’s clearly just had a whale of a time trying out her brand new hair crimper AND she’s got a totally boss choker that she had no way of knowing would still be cool 14 years later. Boys, who needs them eh?
That time she over-frosted on the eyeshadow
Know what makes a make-up disaster seem insignificant? Big hair and a spaceship with flames coming out of it. Which is exactly what Britney did here. Add her red pleather jumpsuit into the mix and that frosted eyeshadow her make-up artist got free with an issue of Seventeen was literally the last thing anyone was talking about.
That time she was forced to do the pre-flight safety demonstration without the necessary props
No lifejacket? No problem. Britney’s not one to let a little thing like a misplaced oxygen mask and flight safety card get in the way of protecting a 747 full of passengers who’ve placed their lives in her hands. Here, as you can see, she cleverly improvised, using the only two things she had at her disposal to safely inform the passengers of the fastest way to exit the place in an emergency landing.
That time she realised camera phones and the internet hadn’t been invented yet
Do you see that piece of crap phone she’s been forced to work with here? The thing has a FLIP function, FFS. Ugh, I bet it’s not even colour screen. After a minor tantrum, Britney obviously instructed her lookalike PA with the white rhinestone pants to head into the future and nab her an iPhone 6 and a pumpkin spiced latte, STAT. No-one can be expected to work in these conditions.
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That time she had a shitty customer at the diner
The hours this lady put in at the diner ain’t worth the tips she gets left at the end of the night. The final straw was that man who bitched her out for bringing him a plate of cold fries. Instead of getting mad, Brit Brit got even by brushing a few strands of her hair into his main and serving it up with a smile.
That time her manager made her wear a costume she’d nicked from a five-year-old belly dancer
Brushing aside the worrying connotations of what ‘five-year-old belly dancer’ involves (‘I’ll deal with that later,’ she thought), Britney knew that one thing and one thing only was going to distract the audience’s attention away from the disaster happening south of her neck: a fucking big snake. Which she absolutely rocked.
That time she saw a mouse on the floor
If there’s one thing Britney hates, it’s bloody mice. It's actually a common phobia for kids that spent so long in the company of fully-grown humans dressed as rodents on the set of the Mickey Mouse Club. Now, though, instead of being scared when she sees them, she’s got a foolproof, jump-on-the-chair move that works every time. She’s even incorporated a pre-jump hair flick and everything.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.