Across the world, mothers are facing mental health struggles. Deserving of far more than hushed tones and secret whispers, Dani Dyer is on a mission to break down taboos once and for all in her brand new E4 documentary.
In Dani Dyer: Is This Anxiety, the star candidly explores her own struggles as a young mother, before speaking to others about their experiences. And now, she tells The Juggle just why she's getting ready to kickstart a conversation about the realities of motherhood...
After rocketing to fame as 2018’s Love Island winner, life now looks very different for down-to-earth Dani. Already mum to two year old son Santiago, the star is getting ready to welcome twin baby girls with her partner, Jarrod Bowen, this summer.
But for Dani, her own journey into motherhood came with anxieties and fears. According to NHS research, up to one in five women find themselves struggling with their mental health during and after pregnancy – a figure that’s only thought to have climbed higher since the pandemic.
‘There’s thousands of books you can buy when you get pregnant,’ says Dani, ‘but no child is ever the same as that book. Nothing really tells you what motherhood is. You think that you'll just give birth and everything is perfect, but no one can ever prepare you for the hormones.’
Opening up about the reasons why she chose to do the documentary, Dani tells us, 'Obviously with me, I’m so in motherhood at the minute. It felt really important to show my own vulnerabilities whilst speaking to other women. I wanted to spread an important message about opening up.'
'When it comes to motherhood, there are no rules'
And spread a message she certainly does. Throughout the one-off film, Dani speaks to mothers across the UK in an emotional yet empowering 46 minutes.
Is This Anxiety also sees Dani step foot into one of the NHS’s Mother & Baby Units. With 19 of them in the country, these family-centered units offer specialist care for people experiencing mental health difficulties during and after pregnancy.
Whilst Dani admits she’d ‘never heard’ of the units before, she says, ‘I’m so glad we got them on the documentary. I didn’t know about it, and probably a lot of other people don’t know! To see mums struggling was so emotional, but knowing the journey they were going on really gave me hope.'
And the total need for these safe spaces certainly wasn’t lost on Dani. ‘It was such a special place for all the women,' she says, 'and the people that work there are so incredible. They don’t want to take anyone’s baby off them. They just want them to be happy and together.'
Generations
After welcoming her first son Santiago in January 2021, Dani suddenly found herself navigating life as a single mum in the midst of lockdown. She shares, ‘I remember my mum speaking to me about baby blues, and I was like “Oh, I won’t get them.” And then they came.’
In one particularly touching moment, Dani sits down with her mum and nan to discuss motherhood. In a scene that has no doubt taken place over kitchen tables and cups of tea in the homes of many, viewers watch three generations candidly open up to the camera about their journey.
Reflecting on that scene, Dani says 'So much has changed. My nan’s generation never really said when they were struggling, they just sort of got on with it. I think we’ve definitely come a long way when we speak about our mental health. When it comes to motherhood, my mum has always said you’ve just got to wing it! There are no rules.'
Support network
Not every parent will find themselves dealing with anxiety – but when it comes to loneliness, it’s a different story. A 2022 study found that over 90% of new mothers admitted to feeling lonely, with over half believing that they had no friends.
‘Loneliness is somewhat in your brain,’ Dani says. ‘From the moment you get pregnant, the next two years of your life are filled with changes to your body. You have to learn to be you again!'
'When I became a parent, it was during Covid. It was a lonely time for everyone, but what was really important to me was going to the mummy and baby groups, and having a bit of fun singing silly songs.’
'As soon as you share how you're feeling, someone else shares how they're feeling'
And just as Dani found support in her mother and baby group, the documentary follows the story of another young mum who finds her life changed after turning to specialist support groups. ‘I think it’s so important for young mums to have as many mummy friends as you possibly can when pregnant,’ insists Dani. ‘When you meet a mum, you instantly want to talk about what milk their baby is on or what nappies they use. You have an instant connection and conversation.’
Whilst the idea of support groups might seem daunting to some new mums, Dani hopes her documentary will encourage many to reach out.
‘The first year is the hardest year. You take on so many different job roles to look after this tiny human being - a nurse, a chef... It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed! But as soon as you share how you’re feeling, someone else shares how they’re feeling. You give your bit of advice, and they give their bit of advice back - and that’s what you need,’ explains Dani.
Motherhood prep
Only months away from welcoming her twin baby girls, Dani's excitement shines through the screen. And although admitting you can ‘never feel prepared’ for motherhood, Dani shares ‘I know how quickly that newborn baby bubble goes – and also how hard it is! With my little boy, I’ve had two years of him, so I know it gets easier. Harder in some ways, but also easier.’
‘When you’re a first time parent, you’re like, “Oh my God, I’ll never sleep again!” But you do get there eventually, and knowing that makes a big difference,' she laughs, adding 'Being a mum is the hardest job, but so rewarding'
And having always been exceptionally close with her family - recently filming a travelogue with dad Danny - being a mum has only brought a newfound appreciation for her own parents.
‘I adore my mum and dad,' Dani gushes. 'I think where they had me at 19, they’re just my friends as well. I definitely apologise for a lot of things that I put them through in my teenage years! A little bit of karma, probably.’
Just the beginning
Dani Dyer: Is This Anxiety? may be a one-off show, but the star is far from finished when it comes to this fight.
‘I would love to carry on raising awareness and speaking to other women’ says Dani, adding ‘I feel like it’s such an important topic.'
And giving her advice to any mothers out there who are finding themselves facing blues, Dani urgers them to ‘open up to family and friends – and if you don’t have that support, speak to a doctor or therapist.’
‘When I went to the mother and baby unit, the nurse told me they always want to keep mother and baby together. It’s about remembering that they’re not going to take your baby off you if you want to speak about things. They want mum and baby to be happy together – so definitely, definitely talk.’
Dani Dyer: Is this Anxiety?, Monday 1st May at 9pm on E4 and All 4.
For support on this topic or anything covered in the documentary, visit PANDAS for perinatal support and a free helpline, mind for more mental health support, or Tommys for support on baby loss.