Dating apps, hey! They’re the worst.
Or, maybe they’re not - and I’m just saying that as a woman who is very bad at dating (online and irl).
As I have previously written{
But, when the show finished, the realisation dawned on me, that, for the foreseeable future, I didn’t actually have anything to do at 9pm.
Meaning there’s literally no excuse - apart from the fact I am terrible at it - for me not to start dating again.
But I had a (rare) brainwave.
As I literally interview the guys and gals from Love Island for my job: what if I could get an Islander - undoubtedly more lucky in love than me - to help me create my dating profile?
There was obviously nobody to ask but Chris.
The man who literally inspired a woman - while on holiday in Benidorm - to get a tattoo of him in a kimono, with a towel wrapped around his head, while sporting two pairs of glasses, because it (in her words) ‘represented a mood’. (Nothing short of iconic behaviour.)
When I meet Chris, complete with matching kimonos for us both: I got him to pick five photos from my Instagram, and answer some of the apps prompts…
Like my mother would say, smoking pics were out. Photos of me at festivals with friends, in. Photos of me in a wig, in (so long as they’re not the first pic, because that would be catfishing, which ‘you do not want to be accused of’). The last photo would, obviously, be a photo of Chris and I, wearing our matching kimonos.
And then, the prompts.
'Ideal first date' ‘I’d be like something extreme sports, so we’re talking like bungee, sky diving. Like it’s not actually a first date - but you’re not actually going to go on a bungee date, are you?
'We’re the same kind of weird if' ‘We eat chocolate digestive biscuits at 2pm while playing MarioKart every Sunday afternoon’
'Go to karaoke song' ‘Do you have a pair of lungs on you? Can you sing?’ ‘No.’ ‘Oasis then is quite a good one. Simple, everyone knows the lyrics.’ ‘Wonderwall?’ ‘Champagne Supernova.’
'Hallmark of a good relationship' ‘Sex. Not really, that might work - but it might get the wrong reaction. Trust.’
Most importantly, the result?
Since I created it last week, I actually got loads more likes than I usually would - with most guys responding to the MarioKart one, either saying it wasn’t weird at all, or asking what type of digestive. (Read, people!) Or some, worryingly, asking for extreme sports dates. (Not going to happen - unfortunately. I am a massive wimp.)
And, hey, maybe I will chat to some of them, and go on some dates. Maybe! Though, if I stand a chance, I should probably tell the guy who asked me 'what is Chris like' that he actually created the profile.