In totally bizarre news, Cheryl Cole is now married to Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini, the French guy she's been seeing for all of three months. Late last night, around midnight, Cheryl uploaded to Instagram a photo of a massive wedding ring (and her feet wider apart than a particularly belligerent-looking bloke on a packed train). She added the comment: 'I usually do not discuss my personal life but to stop the speculation I want to share my happy news… Jean-Bernard and i married on 7/7/14..'
'<3 [that's an emoji heart, emoji fans] We are very happy and excited to move forward with our lives together…'
The thing is, apart from an exclusive news item about the wedding in The Sun, the biggest tabloid in the UK – no-one was speculating about Cheryl Cole getting married. Why? Well, because her and Jean-Bernard have only been dating for like three months, plus would she really get married so soon to someone after things went so awry with ex-husband Ashley Cole?
Of course, who she gets married to and when is up to her, maybe she's prepared to Fight For This Love if anything goes wrong with her and Jean-Bernard down the line. Anyway, puns aside, Cheryl clearing up the speculation was totally unnecessary, but there is a new series of* The X Factor* coming up and maybe she's too loved up not to go public about it.
According to The Sun, the pair married in a tiny, intimate ceremony in a place called Macaroni Beach (lol, right?) in Mustique. 'Only a handful of people knew,' said their source, adding: 'She’s never been so happy. She’s delighted he’s her new husband and wants to have his babies. It’s a beautiful thing. She’s on cloud nine right now.'
And of the low-key ceremony? 'She didn't want to wait or have any of the fuss like there was when she married Ashley. This is the real deal.'
Her mum and assistant were said to be two of four people present for the ceremony: 'She turned her phone off and blocked out the rest of the world for the past week. Only a handful of people knew before the ceremony. And she’s only just started telling other friends and colleagues.'
This was all because of the realness of her feelings towards the French nightclub promoter: 'It was so important to her that nobody found out beforehand because she wanted the ceremony to be something completely secret and sacred between her and Jean-Bernard.'
Aw. Quite sweet, and totally out of the blue. Have we mentioned? Conspiracy theories as to what's really going on abound online right now, but the one we're most intrigued with is the fact that she might be trying to bury bad news, at least with the announcement.
This weekend, news emerged that Cheryl was allegedly siphoning off tax for a bit. Paying just 12.5 per cent instead of the British rate of 21 per cent, by using an Irish company she avoided a £200,000 tax bill. She's since shut down the company, her spokesperson saying that she used an Irish company, Tara Entertainment Ltd, not to avoid tax, but because her accountant was Irish. Just like how you would use Nigerian pharmaceuticals because your nurse is Nigerian. Oh no wait.
Sundraj Sreenivasan said, according to* MailOnline*: 'Cheryl has used the same accountant in Ireland for 13 years. The accountant was recommended by Louis Walsh, who at the time managed her as part of Girls Aloud. Her accountant has recently set up an office in London so Cheryl's Irish company has been dissolved.'
The change in Cheryl's accounting came just days before HMRC ruled that George Michael, Gary Barlow, Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys and Katie Melua have been investing money into a tax-avoidance scheme.
Maybe the wedding, as well as a 'sacred' moment between her and Jean-Bernard fewer than 100 days into dating, is a happy way Cheryl can put any accusations of tax avoidance behind her… what a winning combination!
Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophwilkinson
Picture: @ladyccole
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.