Some celebrities are just taking the piss now. Some celebrities have been on their holidays since before Brexit. Some celebrities haven't left their beachside villas since May. Some celebrities look like they're having the best chuffing summer of their lives.
All whilst we sit here like chumps staring at pictures of the celebrities having the best chuffing summer of their lives.
Do you know what though. I reckon some of them, the Millie Mackintoshes, the Gigis and Bellas, the Kylies and Kendalls, the Libbys and Gabbys or whatever their names are off TOWIE, are sick of sitting on a beach now. I would be. I reckon some of them would love nothing more than to hop on a £24 Ryanair flight back to Luton, hail an Uber home and inhale a Papa John's Feed The Family meal whilst lazily watching half an epsiode of First Dates before falling asleep in a onesie.
Too much holiday is too much of a good thing. Honest. Just think about the...
...Swimsuits everywhere
Remember when you squeezed four girls into a two person room in Malaga and between you there was something close to 32 swimsuits creating a web of inconvenience whilst they dried off in the bathroom? Imagine being on holiday for three months. And having to wear a different swimsuit every day because: paparazzi. That's a lot of lycra. Millie Mackintosh's bathroom is probably so full of one pieces, tankinis, bandeau tops, brazillian briefs and tie side bottoms that it looks like the entrance to UpsideDown in Stranger Things. Poor Hugo. How's he meant to have a poo without fear of being strangled by a rogue triangle top? He had so much to live for. RIP Hugo.
Pic from @MillieMackintosh
...Tan maintenance
If you are someone who seeks a tan on holiday, you'll know there's those weird inbetween days when the sand and the sea water has washed off your pre-emptive attempt at a fake tan but yet you're yet to catch up in terms of real tan. But the fact that you look like you've got a skin disease doesn't matter at all because your mate Melanie's hair has gone green in the chlorine and Sarah's sunburn is so bad she's shedding skin like a snake on steroids. Together you look like a bunch of gremlins who've escaped from your swampy home on the moors. You're like the worst girlband that ever existed. The Shite Girls. Girls un-Aroused. But give af - you're together having fun.
Having to keep that pre-emptive fake tan on the go ALL SUMMER for the sake of a few pictures though must be a right old ballache. Avoid the sea, the sand, pools and sunburn and what's left? Sitting on a deckchair in the shade reading Harry Potter and the Cursed Child? You can do that at home mate. Without the mosquitos.
Pic from: @LucyMeck1
...Food envy
The best part about being on your holidays is that you can legitimately wake up, have yourself a baguette avec jambon et fromage for breakfast (GCSE French, NBD), sample some of the local seafood (and chips) for lunch, eat a burger for dinner and finish your night up at 3AM with a bag of holiday crisps (sweet bananas, the flavours they've got on the continent are next level: pizza! ham and pineapple!) and several bites of holiday sausage (chorizo, salami, whatever floats your boat) without feeling bad about it. Do that for a week, come home and you probably haven't done your Lean in 15 (ish) lifestyle too much harm.
Kylie Jenner though is probably in the Caribbean now poking miserably at the rocket salad she ordered under Kris's duress whilst she looks longingly over at the lobsters and chips the couple next to her are stuffing into their mouth like nobody's business. I'll tell you one thing for free, rocket leaf salad does nothing to settle the pains of a pina colada hangover so good luck with that there Kylie.
Pic from @KylieJenner
...The all-day drinking
Like when you go to a festival and then you come back and like three weeks later someone offers you a cider and your insides actually cry a little. All-day drinking is not a skill you should ever become the master of in your life. All-day drinking is a bad thing that we as Brits, think is the entire point of having a holiday. We are wrong. Just imagine a whole summer of all-day drinking. Imagine being Bob-or-whatever off Geordie Shore and spending 60 consecutive days drinking sangria, proseccos and vodka-lime-and-soda (for the physique, pet) from 11AM through to 3AM. Fuck that for a bunch of bananas. I heart my liver and if that means sitting at a desk drinking green tea rather than being on a beach from June through to September then so be it.
Picture from @Samthompsonuk
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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.