Fame, fat and flour. Grain, grease and glory. Celebs, cakes and, well, a little bit of squinting.
As the new series of Great British Bake Off slaps itself against our screens like a poorly-flipped pancake and pours through social media like honey, it's time to ask the big questions: what baked goods do these famous women look like?
Beyonce and the butterfly cake
There's something kind of fierce about a cupcake that throws its top open at you. It's like a wing-spread, gold-shouldered, magic-dusted cake incarnation of Mrs Carter herself.
Britney and the glazed strawberry tart
Oops. We said it. Again. Strawberry-glazed camel toe is something of an acquired taste, sure, but when it comes to high shine on a basic biscuit bitch base, you can't go wrong with a 2000-era Britney Spears.
Ellie Goulding and the micro-meringue
Adorable, right? You can practically taste the fillings. So pastel sweet you just want to crunch right through that crazy satin bodice and save her from whatever Butlin's caravan that lace curtain skirt was stolen from.
Rihanna and the cheesy garlic pizza
Shall we all just take a moment to enjoy this prime slice of molten RiRi dairy? It's the kind of outfit that makes you want to ease yourself into a high stool, tuck a tablecloth into your bra straps and get involved with something sprinkled with herbs.
Lady Gaga and coconut cake
You can shave a coconut but you cannot get it through airport security without a fight. Of course Lady Gaga has dressed down with a pair of sunglasses. I mean, it wouldn't do to draw attention to yourself in this sort of situation. Instead, simply douse yourself in the offcuts of a coconut ice, raise your hand and smile.
Some really famous girl and a sausage roll (from Greggs)
I'll be honest; I'm not entirely sure who that girl on the right is but she has nailed so entirely the Greggs Sausage Roll Special that I simply insisted on including it. Some people call it a breakfast, for others a lunch. For those of you who are struggling through a hangover it's definitely a snack but, whatever the occasion, a pork lattice is always a great red carpet look.
Hannah and the lemon slices
Lemon and sugar – a combination as timeless, as complimentary and as cheering as the sound of seagulls in summer. And you don't need a bra to enjoy a lemon slice either.
Gwen Stefani and a cream horn
Now she's in Singles Club I am hoping to see a lot more of this Gwen around town. I want brandy snap barnets, honey cake hair, cinammon bun side partings and scone up-dos from Monday to Sunday, no messing.
J-Law and a Cornish pasty
Trust J-Law to nail the greatest baked good south of the Tamar. A twist of pepper, a twisted tendril. Slices of potato, big smiles. The odd bit of onion, a straightened forelock. It's a winning recipe, hair fans. A winning recipe.
Kim and an ornate cake design
It's not often that Kim Kardashian takes style inspiration from the Eggless Cake shop on Walthamstow Market but boy when she does, she does. I like to imagine old KK getting sent to some brace-wearing pre-teen on the day of her Batmitzvah to cries of surprise and joy.
Miley and a red velvet cupcake
Talking of red velvet, that's quite a high leg isn't it? Still, good on Miley for keeping things classy with a whirl of butter icing across her shoulders. She's like a beautiful bird of paradise with a packet of Canesten in her necklace purse.
Taylor and a polka dot cake
Sometimes all it takes to show a real professional is to take a classic and absolutely nail it. Here Taylor Swift does it with a 1950s polkadot sundress. And who knows who'll manage it this year with GBBO's two-tiered cake challenge. I suppose we'll just have to watch, wait and see.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.