Britney Spears’ shopping list was leaked this week because some guy (or girl!) rooted through her bins and published it. Of course, we don’t have any solid proof it’s Britney’s, because who signs their shopping lists with their own name and attaches proof of ID, but either way, Britters has been getting a bit of stick for her choices.
Here’s the list:
The main target for ridicule is the amount of junk food and nutritional content (fat-free vanilla ice cream is so full of sugar, you might as well buy full fat, etc, etc), followed closely by the spelling (cinamin) but hey. This is a woman’s private shopping list.
A woman who, if it is indeed Britney’s, made us lust after red leather onesies and danced with a snake around her neck. She can eat whatever she goddamn wants, and spell cinnamon however she likes. It took me three goes just then, and I Googled it because this is supposed to be read by the public. A shopping list, however, isn’t. She can spell it Darth Volspob if she chooses.
In solidarity, I asked Team Debrief to contribute things they regularly put on their shopping lists. In double solidarity, I will be spelling them wrong because we shouldn’t be ridiculing Britney for not being able to spell Spaghettios (or, for that matter, buying Spaghettios), we should be celebrating her for singlehandedly making school look like the coolest place to be ever (see Baby One More Time video, obviously).
Cocktale Sasusuauges
Otherwise known as cocktail sausages, editor Rebecca Holman purchases huge boxes of 20 of the bastards regularly because she has ‘a real thing about them’.
Hula hooooOpse
Nothing wrong with culture editor Jess Commons buying Hula Hoops. But she ‘uses them as croutons in tomato soup’ which, lets face it, is wonderfully weird. ‘I buy salt and vinegar Walkers French Fries every time I go into a shop, too. And mini chicken kiev balls are MY JAM. Also baked beans, but baked beans with those fake sausages in. Then I pretend I’ve bought the wrong ones.’ Classy.
Lots of fish (you can’t misspell fish)
Editorial assistant Chemmie Squier just responded with ‘tins and tins of mackerel’. Mackerel may be good for you, but it’s by far the smelliest and worst of the fishes (followed closely by haddock).
‘I buy trout quite a lot. It tastes like salmon but is cheaper,’ adds creative director Anna Jay, which is better. But imagine how hilarious everyone would have found it if Britney had loads of trout on her shopping list. People would go insane. It’d be hard to be a famous trout-eater.
Coffefeee mate
I (hello, this is Stevie) used to buy tins of Coffee Mate (awful powdered milk thing) and eat it in a bowl mixed with water. This is probably the worst thing I’ve ever done. At the moment, I buy a tin of baked beans with every purchase and if the paparazzi could see how many Double Deckers I purchase post-9pm every week, I’d probably get arrested.
Yogerts
We all love a yoghurt, but some of us love them too much. ‘I buy 20 pots of Activia at a time and put them in the freezer,’ says deputy creative editor Natalia Bagniewska. ‘I then make frozen yoghurt. And by “make frozen yoghurt”, I mean I “chip away at it with a spoon for ages”.’ A completely normal pastime.
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Follow Stevie on Twitter @5tevieM
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.