Some wires seem to have been crossed in the most ridiculously 2017 way over the weekend. Forget the English, Irish and Scottish men who walk into a bar. Elliot Tebele (aka Fuck Jerry), Britney Spears, Madonna and Miley Cyrus all crossed paths on Instagram, and it makes for a far more interesting tale.
This particular story starts with the punchline. Over on the Fuck Jerry Instagram account a meme was posted about Britney Spears. You’ve probably seen it by now. It’s funny. It’s the ‘me: I have 9 friends. Friend: toxic by Britney Spears isn’t even that good. Me: I have 8 friends’, one that had been circulating on Twitter for a little while. Because Toxic by Britney Spears is that good. Period.
You know who else thinks Toxic by Britney Spears is good? Madonna. Madonna thinks Toxic is great. Madonna thinks Toxic is fire, in fact. And she commented on the meme to let all the haters know that they’re wrong.
‘That song is [insert fire emoji here] you are so wrong’, Madonna commented on the Instagram post. In true Madonna fashion, it caught everyone off guard but it’s cool because we all kind of knew that Madge and Brit go way back so of course she’s going to awkwardly stick up for her pal on a post that was actually pro-Britney anyway. So, Madonna.
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The next day, Madonna has a go at the Instagram too. She posted a video of herself singing in honour of World AIDS Day on Friday. But it was also in honour of her pal Britney Spears’ birthday too because that was happening at the same time apparently the occasions were two birds that could justifiably be catapulted in the head by a confusingly musical stone.
Madonna sang a stripped back version of Toxic, you see. And when we say stripped back we so stripped back that we didn’t even see her face. Madonna used the negative/heatmap filter for her acoustic guitar version of the Britney hit and captioned it: ‘Silence =Death! Song For World AIDS Day! #toxic #poisonparadise @britneyspears. Happy Birthday!!’. Mixed messaging, sure. But Britney double tapped that shit big time.
The following day we’re treated to another Instagram post, this time by Britney Spears herself. Singing a bit of Elvis. She was really inspired by Madonna’s post, apparently. ‘She’s right… silence = death!’, she wrote. ‘These words really stuck with me, because they are so true.
‘I’ve always wanted to do a performance like this… singing in a pretty little black dress, with a simple 360, one take shot! I figured since it was my birthday, why not go for it?! So boom When the clock struck 12:00, I did it!!! Thank you got all the beautiful birthday wishes, and for letting me do what I love. I appreciate you more than you will ever know!!!!
Anyone else confused? Good, me too. Silence may indeed equal death, and the importance of World AIDS Day isn't the bit in question here, of course. I just can't be the only one scratching my head trying to make the connection between Madonna's 'inspiring' solo acoustic sesh and Britney's dream to perform in her house in a LBD while a poor someone (boyfriend? Assistant?) circles around her with a phone. At midnight, obvs. Because there's only one time of day when such a performance is okay to give you guys...
Maybe we're reading way too far into this. Maybe it's not that deep. Maybe we should just concentrate on the fact that Miley Cyrus seemed to love Britney's 'I'm going to pretend I'm singing the national anthem at the Superbowl' moment and has requested a song herself?
'U r everything to me. Everything', Miley commented. 'Can you plase sing some @dollyparton asap! And dedicate it to me... if it's not tooooo much to ask!'
I don't think anything is too much to ask of Britstagram, to be fair. And yes, deep down Britney is everything to us too. So, who knows, the next video to feature on her ever evolving feed of absolute Instragram gold will be a cover of 9-5.
A Brief History Of Britney Spears' Hair Over The Years
Britney Spears' hair through the years
1 of 7Baby-faced and brunette
1999
2 of 7Swapping the brunette for blonde made Brit look a lot older
2004
3 of 7Going dark again
2007
4 of 7Experimenting with wigs – this wasn't one of her best looks
2009
5 of 7It's hard to keep up, isn't it?
2011
6 of 7Slightly darker and longer last year
2013
7 of 7The bob wins for us!
2014
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.