Britney Spears: ‘Sorry For Pretending I’ve Been OK’

Britney has spoken out following her testimony in court about her conservatorship - 'believe it or not pretending that I’m ok has actually helped'.

Britney Court

by Guy Pewsey |
Updated on

Ever since Britney Spears became a global star on the release of her smash hit, generation-defining hit Baby One More Time, it has felt like she was a commodity, ogled by teen boys and, creepily, adult males, idolised by tween disciples, hounded by press. Her song, Piece Of Me, pilloried this concept, that Britney could possibly be beholden in some way to someone she didn't know. But in recent years, it has become more and more clear that while Britney's mind and identity is very much her own, there are nevertheless external forces at work, controlling aspects of her life.

Now, publicly, she has spoken about the conversatorship which rules her life. And not even the most ardent Free Britney supporters anticipated the blistering claims the popstar made.

Speaking at Los Angeles Superior Court, she claimed the arrangement - her father was granted control of her affairs in 2008 - is 'abusive'. She said that she would like to settle and marry her boyfriend Sam Asghari, but that she is not able to, and that she has been denied the right to have more children as she has IUD fitted. She also claimed that she was put on the psychiatric drug lithium against her wishes.

A ruling is yet to be made, but Judge Brenda Penny told Britney she was 'sensitive' to what she said.

Britney has also since posted on Instagram, sending a heartfelt message to fans. 'I apologise for pretending like I’ve been ok the past two years,' she wrote. 'I did it because of my pride and I was embarrassed to share what happened to me … but honestly who doesn’t want to capture their Instagram in a fun light !!!! Believe it or not pretending that I’m ok has actually helped.'

What did Britney say about her conservatorship?

Here are some of the key points Britney made, from the transcript of what she said in court.

'Three days later, after I said no to Vegas, my therapist sat me down in a room and said he had a million phone calls about how I was not cooperating in rehearsals, and I haven't been taking my medication. All this was false. He immediately, the next day, put me on lithium out of nowhere. He took me off my normal meds I've been on for five years. And lithium is a very, very strong and completely different medication compared to what I was used to. You can go mentally impaired if you take too much, if you stay on it longer than five months. But he put me on that and I felt drunk. I couldn't even have a conversation with my mom or dad really about anything. I told him I was scared, and my doctor had me on six different nurses with this new medication, come to my home, stay with me to monitor me on this new medication, which I never wanted to be on to begin with. There were six different nurses in my home and they wouldn't let me get in my car to go anywhere for a month.'

'The control he had over someone as powerful as me — he loved the control to hurt his own daughter 100,000%. He loved it. I packed my bags and went to that place. I worked seven days a week, no days off, which in California, the only similar thing to this is called sex trafficking. Making anyone work against their will, taking all their possessions away — credit card, cash, phone, passport — and placing them in a home where they work with the people who live with them. They all lived in the house with me, the nurses, the 24-7 security. There was one chef that came there and cooked for me daily during the weekdays. They watched me change every day — naked – morning, noon and night. My body – I had no privacy door for my room. I gave eight vials (?) of blood a week.'

'The last time I spoke to you by just keeping the conservatorship going, and also keeping my dad in the loop, made me feel like I was dead — like I didn't matter, like nothing had been done to me, like you thought I was lying or something. I'm telling you again, because I'm not lying. I want to feel heard. And I'm telling you this again, so maybe you can understand the depth and the degree and the damage that they did to me back then.'

'I would honestly like to sue my family, to be totally honest with you. I also would like to be able to share my story with the world, and what they did to me, instead of it being a hush-hush secret to benefit all of them. I want to be able to be heard on what they did to me by making me keep this in for so long, is not good for my heart. I've been so angry and I cry every day. It concerns me, I'm told I'm not allowed to expose the people who did this to me.'

'I would like to progressively move forward and I want to have the real deal, I want to be able to get married and have a baby. I was told right now in the conservatorship, I'm not able to get married or have a baby, I have a (IUD) inside of myself right now so I don't get pregnant. I wanted to take the (IUD) out so I could start trying to have another baby. But this so-called team won't let me go to the doctor to take it out because they don't want me to have children – any more children. So basically, this conservatorship is doing me waaay more harm than good.'

What is a conservatorship, and why do they exist?

If a person is deemed by a court to be unfit to make their own decisions relating to their finances, their health care and other such things, then a trusted individual can be assigned by the court to make those calls for them. In Britney's case, that individual is her father, Jamie Spears. But the Britney conservatorship is surprising because they are usually decreed in the cases of the elderly, or those who have medical reasons for needing this sort of support. It is very rare for someone of Britney's age - she is 39 currently - to be bound by such commands. The conservatorship took hold in 2008, following Britney's public struggles with mental health, but the exact logic of the decision at the time is not a matter of public record.

What does Britney's conservatorship mean, practically?

Britney's conservator can make choices about how her money is handled, medical care she may or may not need, as well as issues surrounding care of her two sons. A new report in The New York Times claims that Jamie even denied his daughter the permission to re-stain her kitchen cabinets, citing confidential documents. In 2016, the report adds, she complained to a court investigator that she was 'sick of being taken advantage of' and being 'the one working and earning her money but everyone around her is on her payroll.'

Is Jamie still in charge of Britney's conservatorship?

In 2019, Jamie stepped back from his conservator role, citing health reasons. A year later, Britney's lawyer Samuel D. Ingham III claimed that Britney 'strongly opposed' Jamie's position. The Bessemer Trust is, therefore, now a co-conservator in relation to Britney's money. Jamie, however, remains as the primary conservator in other matters.

Watch this space for more developments.

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