All The Best Conspiracy Theories About Louis Tomlinson’s New Baby

From weird names to Louis missing the birth of his child, here's what people are saying about the 1D baby

All The Best Conspiracy Theories About Louis Tomlinson's New Baby

by Jess Commons |
Published on

Over the weekend, Louis Tomlinson, the now-Directionless Directioner became a father to a baby boy. You probably heard about it. He's apparently called it Sydney Rain. As in the city, followed by the weather condition.

Louis being who he is, there's been rife speculation (to put it mildly) on what actually went down. So far, all we really, truly know is that he had a baby boy with LA stylist Briana Jungwirth. Other than that... well, let's let the Directioners have their say shall we? It's more fun that way. Here's what they reckon happened.

Louis spent the whole birth in the car outside.

According to a source (those guys again) in the Sun newspaper, Louis was banned from the delivery room by Briana's mum Tammi (two also excellent names). Said source told the paper 'Briana's mother Tammi went berserk at him in the hospital. He spent a lot of the time she was in labour sat in his car because Tammi wouldn't let him near Briana. He's looked after her very well but Tammi feels it's not enough. They are trying to work out a custody deal.' What was Louis doing in the car? Who knows. Turning the air con on and off? Catching up on* Serial*? Emailing Zayn? Kicking the dashboard and huffing away like when your mum used to leave you in the car while she just 'popped in' to Sainsburys?

It's Harry's baby and the two are going to raise it together


Proof that this is the ship that will never sink; Larry Stylinson believers used the birth of Sydney Rain to imagine Louis and Harry as post-metrosexual hipster dads. Also, Directioners on Tumblr reckon that now the baby's been born, Larry are finally going to come out. Exactly one week after the birth. That's Friday. Set your calendar reminders accordingly so that in twenty years time you'll have a good answer to what's become the world's most ubiquitous question; 'Where were you when Larry announced they were A Thing'.

The baby's called Conchobar

Because Sydney Rain isn't a rubbish enough name, some website (unquoted, now disappeared) decided that the baby's name was Conchobar. Despite the decidedly nautical sound of this somewhat unusual name, it's actually an Irish name meaning 'lover of hounds'.

This is the first picture of the baby

It's not. It's bloody well not. Despite @norgaardselena claiming that Briana sent the picture directly to her. Anyone can Google image search 'blonde lady holding baby'. In fact we just did. HERE'S the first official picture of baby Tomlinson. Honest.

The baby is a pillow

Literally NFI.

Like this? Then you might also be interested in:

Did Larry Stylinson Kill One Direction?

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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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