Benedict Cumberbatch was asked in a recent interview with* Elle UK* what having sex with Sherlock Holmes would be like, and his response is both excellent and far too arousing for an early morning.
Despite being overwhelmingly asexual and more interested in cases than getting his Sherlocky rocks off, Benedict firmly believes that he’d know ‘exactly how to please a woman’. Sorry, his character. Not him. Ahem.
Although Sherlock has ‘always assumed that love is a dangerous disadvantage’ while believing ‘sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side’, this is purely because of the job – and if that was taken out of the equation then, well, there’d be fireworks at Baker St.
First, Sherlock would ‘test the latex’ to ensure the sex you were about to have was fully safe. He’d also prep by getting enough sleep, taking vitamins and cutting down on smoking ‘to make sure that I could perform’ before watching ‘a lot of porn’.
Oh, and there’d be manscaping involved too: ‘I might have to shave, um, areas to fit in with a modern idea of bodily hair,’ Benedict admitted. ‘And then I would be devastating. I’d know exactly how to please a woman, I’d know exactly where to put my fingers, where to put my tongue, where to put my – his, I should say – his fingers, his tongue. Think about violinists, think about what they can do with their fingers.’
Hmm? Oh sorry, I was just having a cold shower. Wait, there’s more.
‘And I’d know exactly how to get that person into it, and get pleasure out of making that person feel pleasure to the point that I probably wouldn’t even have to enter,’ Benedict continued. ‘But when I did it would be explosive.’
Well, for anyone who wanted to know what it’s like having sex with Bened- er, Sherlock, then you can sleep tonight. Or not, as the case may be.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.