If there's ever anyone we can count on to keep it real on the internet, it's Ashley Graham. From sharing her postpartum hair loss to her candid posts about body confidence, Ashley is a delight to follow for her honesty. And over on TikTok, she recently reminded some of her followers why backhanded compliments are never something which women should have to take with an awkward smile.
Earlier this week, Ashley, the world's most famous plus-sized model, urged people to stop with the 'pretty for a big girl' compliments, which, as we all know, are not compliments at all. 'Please stop calling me pretty for a big girl,' she said in the video. 'I’m pretty period, thank you — and I’m not an SAT question, I didn’t ask you.'
Of course, the model is right: she is pretty (there's nothing wrong with a woman admitting this, btw) regardless of her size. And, as a highly successful model, she doesn't need your unsolicited opinion.
But there's another issue: saying you're pretty... for a big girl isn't just rude to who you're saying it to, but it's also implying that other people are attractive not because of their size, which is nonsense, Being pretty and your size are not related - and those who disagree are simply fatphobic.
It's never a compliment calling a woman 'pretty' and then adding a 'but...' on the end (regardless of what follows the 'but'). It's usually negging, when a man is showing their interest, while trying to dent your confidence at the same time so you're more vulnerable to their advances. They might as well say: 'I like you! Despite the fact you're a 'big girl'! Well done me! Pick me because other people might not be so kind!' It's absolutely gross, and can also be used in ways that are racist, ageist and classist.
Ashley has also spoken about the reverse of this in the past, pointing out why it's a backhanded compliment when the model is labelled a 'real woman' because of her figure. 'I can’t stand it when I read comments that say "finally, a real woman,"' she said in 2018. 'No matter what your size/shape/amount of cellulite — we are in this together.'
As a rule, just don't ever mention anyone's looks in regards to their weight. As Ashley reminds us, it's just not relevant. And it can be incredibly hurtful, no matter the intention.
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