If you're yet to become initiated in the ways of Queer Eye, there are three things you need to know about Antoni Porowski, the show's resident 'food and wine' expert. One: he has the face of an angel. Two: his cooking repertoire (and the prominence of avocados in that repertoire) is the subject of heated Internet debate. And three: he's hopelessly devoted to slogan t-shirts.
Just as his co-presenter Tan only wears jazzily patterned shirts with the sleeves rolled up, just as Karamo has an endless supply of silk bomber jackets and just as Bobby wears whatever he needs to wear to build a house from scratch in four days, Antoni is almost exclusively attired in tees that have a gnomic phrase - or Noughties indie band logo - printed on the front. If you write something on a plain t-shirt, he will come running. In fact, if you're listening, Antoni, I probably have some Arcade Fire merch dating from 2006 that I'd be willing to part with for a price?
Of the show's Fab Five, Antoni is by far the most elusive. He chops avocados, he adds garnishes to hot dogs (perhaps this is what we can expect from his upcoming 'fast-casual' New York eatery?) and sometimes sheds a single tear. So, it's his t-shirts that do the talking. They tell us that Noughties indie is his favourite musical genre. He really, really loves The Strokes: in season one alone, he wears three tops paying tribute to Julian Casablancas et al (after Netflix reached out to the band, apparently, they sent him a boxload of them - because the ones he'd previously been wearing were bootlegs). He also loves The National (who recently gave him a shout out on their Twitter account). And his favourite book is without a doubt Hanya Yanagihara's Booker-shortlisted A Little Life, because he's always wearing a version of that ubiquitous 'John & Paul & Ringo & George' tee, but with Beatles swapped for its characters' names.
So, in the interests of Antoni appreciation, consider this an inexhaustive, highly subjective ranking of his best t-shirts, starting with the generic and moving on to the truly standout...
Nashville, but backwards
There's nothing wrong with this one per se, it's just that the reversed lettering makes our eyes hurt. Nice scarf, though.
Elysian Macarthur Griffith
This one might get a little lost in translation for UK viewers (Elysian, Macarthur and Griffith are three LA parks), which accounts for its low ranking. Plus, Antoni is a Canadian living in New York, which makes this about as authentic as those tees that declare 'Je suis francaise' in cursive font.
OK, so this is not strictly a t-shirt, due to the undeniable presence of sleeves, but we like the flippancy. Plus, it holds its own in the same frame as Tan's inexplicably large hat.
James Dean Speed Queen
We can only assume that Tan and Jonathan are pondering what 'James Dean Speed Queen' actually means...
First band tee klaxon! It's got colourful lettering, there's some kind of tiger, but The National aren't, you know, The Strokes, are they? __
The Strokes (navy blue edition)
Speaking of The Strokes, here's their first entry: the navy blue 'Is This It?' era t-shirt that you'd find in the bedroom of every NME reader in 2005, along with a Libertines jacket and a Yeah Yeah Yeahs CD.
The Strokes (turquoise font edition)
It's slightly obscured by a well-placed dishcloth (probably to remind us that he is the Food and Wine guy, after all), but this is another piece of Strokes merch, one which has a slight edge thanks to its interesting font.
The Strokes (no sleeves edition)
Reigning supreme in the Strokes stakes is this sleeveless version. There are many great things about this screencap (the bandana, the perturbed expression, the watermelon), but it's the top that wins out.
We're genuinely perturbed that, should Antoni actually choose to form an avocado cult, we would probably up sticks and join, so this one misses out on the top slot. Also, cults are problematic and shouldn't be glamourised in grey marl, Antoni!
Jude & JB & Willem & Malcolm
And we have a winner! If we needed another excuse to finally tackle A Little Life, it's the prospect of being able to legitimately wear the same t-shirt as Antoni...