Have you ever seen the motivational meme which says ‘you have the same number of hours in a day as Beyoncé?’ It’s supposed to be inspiring, to spur you on to cram as much as you possibly can into every minute of every hour of every day. We’re supposed to fill our time to the brim, to maximise on every moment and be productive at all times whether that’s at work, in the gym or catching up with friends on a Sunday afternoon. We’re supposed to say yes to everything, grab every opportunity with both hands and make sure we take pics, or it didn’t happen.
What if you don’t want to do everything? The curse of 24-hour social media, through which we monitor other people’s lives and compare them to our own, often finding ours wanting, is that it feels like we should always be doing something. We’re so busy trying to be YOLO that we’re plagued by FOMO.
Unless, of course, you’re Adele. At a gig in LA over the weekend the singer told her audience that she had been asked to perform at next year’s Super Bowl half-time show, but had turned it down.
‘First of all, I’m not doing the Super Bowl…I mean, that show is not about music. I can’t dance or anything like that. They were very kind, they did ask me, but I did say no.’
The prestigious prime time slot scores millions and millions of viewers across the globe and gets people talking for days afterwards. Beyoncé’s performance of Formation earlier this year has already become a cultural reference point. Megastars such as Prince, Michael Jackson and Madonna have also graced the halftime stage.
‘Well, why would Adele turn down this opportunity of a lifetime?!’ you might be wondering. Maybe she has nothing to prove? Maybe she thought it sounded stressful? Maybe she decided this one just wasn’t for her.
Adele is quietly, and perhaps unknowingly, leading a revolution. The singer isn’t that bothered about fame, she’s more interested in trying to live a normal life when she’s not performing (however ‘normal’ life can be when you’re a billionaire at 28). She chills out with her family and when she does enter the spotlight, as she did at Glastonbury, she admits that she finds performances nerve wracking. Her honesty is refreshing, she reminds us that it’s ok to find things overwhelming, normal to get nervous and no big deal to want to take a step back sometimes.
After the Grammys did Adele rush around trying to make it to all of the glitzy after parties she’d been invited to so she could be seen to be seen? No, she did not. She went to go and get an In N- Out burger.
Today the power of saying no is worse than overlooked. It’s stigmatised. Why would you turn down a night out? Why would you say no to that work trip? Why wouldn’t you want to take on a massive opportunity if it furthers your career?
However, sometimes saying no to an offer is more powerful than accepting it. There’s a degree of integrity to saying no, in doing so you recognise that not everything is perfectly suited to you. You can’t do everything.
Saying no isn’t easy, it takes courage and you have to be confident that where you might close one door another one will open. But, in doing it, you can set yourself free and create space for new ideas and opportunities that you really, truly, actually want to do to present themselves.
If you’re always agreeing, saying yes to everything that’s asked of you there’s a danger that you’ll lose sight of what you actually want. You can fill your time up to the brim, diarise your life down to the last second so that your activities are always measurable but it’s having space to think and reflect that is often the most productive. If there’s no space for spontaneity, then life can’t surprise you. Some of the best holidays are spur of the moment, some of the best nights out are planned at 9am when you’ve already committed to staying in.
Saying no is liberating, it can free you from the tyranny of things you ‘should’ do and open up a plethora of possibilities. Saying no, turning things down, opting out – it opens you up to all of the things you ‘could’ do instead of trying constantly to fulfil other people’s expectations of how you use your time and expend your energy.
Let’s all take a leaf out of Adele’s book. Doing everything might be cool, but being selective takes serious consideration. It is true, you do have the same number of hours in a day as Beyoncé and it’s up to you how you fill them. Don’t worry about living your life by the principles of YOLO, forget the FOMO and embrace the joy of JOMO and the power of saying no.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.