Our 15 Minutes Of Fame On The Kim Kardashian Game

Kim Kardashian: Hollywood is an app from the reality TV star-cum-entrepreneur where you can have a go at being a celebrity just like her. Well, not just like her, you get to ‘kustomize’ your avatar so it looks like a Kardashianified version of you. Anyway, it’s set to make $200m (£117m) according to a city analyst talking to none other than prestigious money types Bloomberg, so we thought we’d have a go on the game to see how far we could get in just 15 minutes. We hope Andy Warhol would approve of this artistic endeavour.

In truth, the game was so enjoyable that we could have played it all day, had it not literally commanded us to, ‘Wait and see,’ while our manager Simon nattered away on the phone for an hour. At the time of writing, our avatar is standing in a Hollywood office in some quite pinchy shoes, waiting for Simon to quit blathering on.

Anyway, while we can’t play, here are a few things we’ve learned from the game about what it takes to be famous in this day and age.

1. When it comes to wardrobes, some things are non-negotiable

Though you can make your avatar look a bit like you, there are certain things that aren’t up for a kustomization. This includes body size – you’ve got a slim hourglass figure, just a little smaller than Kim; heels – you’re wearing high heels or high heels, there’s no opt-out if you’re in the mood for flats; and nail polish – you have to have nail polish, there’s no opt-out there.

2. Tasks are well-rewarded

The game rewards its players very handsomely, as each task (simply clicking on designated areas in the right order) gets you remunerated with not just money, but K stars and lightning bolts(?) These can be exchanged for clothes, accessories, drinks and so on.

3. You have to earn your name

You only get asked your name about two levels in, because it seems that you have to make a name for yourself before anyone – including Kim Kardashian herself – cares what you’re called.

4. Sometimes you have to get the bus

The narrative of the game, once you’ve got your avatar sorted, is that Kim happens upon you at your clothes shop and you win her over by letting her in after closing time to give her an outfit (for free!) after a last minute wardrobe malfunction before an event. She invites you along, but you have to get the bus to get there! And sometimes – now, this is really sad – you can’t afford to get to Hollywood.

5. Flirting gets you far

We didn’t realise that you need to flirt to get points, but apparently that helps. We’ve been nothing but polite to the men we speak to, but that means that our romance score is at 10% and we’ve been advised that, ‘Making people swoon over you is no easy task!’ However, unfortunately, as mutually sycophantic as the script is between the player and Kim, there’s no opportunity to flirt with her. On the bright side, we’re doing much better with our make-up achievements, as we’re told ‘Make-up is the Photoshop of real life.’

6. Make sure you’re dressed to impress

Accidentally changing out of a beige bandeau dress we’d bought for our first photoshoot into a T-shirt and jeans combo wasn’t that awful in the grand scheme of things (we accidentally ran out of the room just as the shoot was about to start), but being told by our sharp-suited managed Simon that we needed some ‘new duds’ was a new low.

7. Get some sleep

We’re not sure if the developers of the game were aware of Cara Delevingne falling asleep on shoots, or whether it’s a lucky coincidence, because one of the game’s warnings was a ‘You’re too tired’ halfway through a photo shoot. Which isn’t exactly what you want to hear when you’re trying to hold a pose.

8. Be rich or get RSI trying

The player is incentivised with money – every time you do a task, you get rewarded, and our guess is that if we tapped things in the right order (we accidentally did the entire photo shoot without letting the lights get checked first) we’d get extra rewards. However, it extends further than that. If you want more energy, better clothes, the ability to go on buses all around LA and not just between Beverly Hills and Hollywood, then you can get it, so long as you pay actual real money into the app. It’s here where you can spend $99 on 175,000 Kardashian dollars. Yikes!

9. There are idiots out there

We’ve got into an argument with a celebrity called Willow Pape – we swear we weren’t starting, it’s just her boyfriend came onto us, we couldn’t help it! Anyway, our Feed (the game features social media, obviously) has just shown us that Willow likes to hashtag her arguments with us with #Obamacare...

We could go on, but Simon’s just got off the phone which means we can proceed and skip up a few levels, so we’ll have to leave you with that. That waiting around, though, it’s a function of utter genius, much like Tinder running out of people to date in your local area despite you standing in the middle of a regional train station after about 10 swipes. We’re guessing that the whole point is to get frequently engaged users out into the real world every now and then, talking about the app and getting other people to talk about it and use it!

We’re not entirely bowled over – it would be nice for the actual tasks to involve a bit more than tapping about, and it’s not exactly fair that you can buy your way to the top. However, we can sort of see why it’s doing so well (to get up a level you’re prompted to visit the App Store and give the game a 5/5 rating) at the very least it does encourage a (bit of) a work ethic. Plus, the music is really funky.

** Follow Sophie on Twitter @sophwilkinson**

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.