It all starts the same way. No knickers. Make-up off. Eyes darting. Robe half open.
‘Sorry about my cellulite.’ ‘Don’t look at my tummy.’ ‘I should have shaved.'
And then it comes - 'I’m sorry.’
Every. Single. Time. An apology.
I'm standing in front of a naked Victoria’s Secret supermodel. She's deemed to be one of the most beautiful women in the world. And yet, here she is apologising for her appearance. I realised then that almost every naked person I have stood in front of has apologised for their body. Apologising for simply being human. The universal apology became the one thing that truly changed how I felt about my body.
Popstars apologised for their cellulite, TV presenters apologised for their breasts, CEOs apologised for eczema, and mums apologised for their post-baby stomach.
18 years ago, I started my career as a spray tan artist - a career I fell into but one that saved my life. Fraught from not being able to find a job I enjoyed, I tried spray tanning as a last resort. At the time I was consumed by body dysmorphia - I placed so much of my worth on the shape of my stomach and the texture of my skin. My self esteem was rock bottom. Between the ages of 12-32, I hated my body. I was yoyo dieting and my eating was disordered. I was also self harming, and, at one point, experienced suicidal thoughts.
Spray tanning exposed me to such vast levels of nudity. With this, clients opened up an alternative viewpoint on how I saw my own body. Being around others and experiencing every person’s inner hang-ups made me rethink my own. Take it from me, whatever you think perfection is, it doesn’t exist. The person you think has the body of your dreams is wishing they had someone else's body. I’ve heard the perfect body apologise.
After saying goodbye to each client I noted that I never, ever remembered the shape of a client's body. Instead, I remembered only how they made me feel as they were with me in that spray tan tent. When they messaged to rebook, my first thought was always their mood – were they happy, warm, kind or anxious and perhaps going through a tough time? The lasting impression is never your appearance.
As I began to realise and accept that the shape of my body was the least interesting thing about myself, I started to leave the headspace of body hatred and began reaching a place of body neutrality. Eventually, I began journeying into body confidence. I took note of the people I hung out with, and my day-to-day conversations. How often was I saying mean things to myself when I looked in the mirror and how much of that was down to my own thoughts vs what I overheard or witnessed around me? Do I really hate my body or am I being conditioned to hate my body based on social norms and airbrushed images?
If this resonates with you I want to assure you that there is another way. Another way of living that doesn’t contain a negative inner dialogue about your appearance.
At 32, I founded the self tan brand Isle of Paradise. As the brand exploded, I realised I had to take myself on an inner journey. I needed to teach myself how to be confident. I had to remind myself in a world where aesthetics are everything, that my appearance was not the whole package. I learnt how to be confident on the inside. From gratitude practices, nature bathing and daily affirmations, I have created a devotion to my inner glow. I’ve turned the ship around.
Learning to respect who I am didn’t happen overnight but ultimately my life has changed. I’m happier and finally more at peace with who I am. The journey has had a knock-on effect on everything from the clothes I choose to wear, to the way I spend my time, and who I spend said time with. I now exercise for the shape of my mind and not the shape of my body. I use beauty as a form of self expression and skin celebration rather than concealing. Wellness is now about nourishment not punishment. I’ve become my own cheerleader. My life is filled with gratitude, joy and, in turn, confidence.
'Whether you're prepping for a big moment, craving a mindset shift or just in need of a feel-good boost. . . welcome to The Confidence Ritual. In this heart-burstingly honest, hilarious and empowering guide, Jules Von Hep - global beauty expert and actual human sunshine - takes you on a journey to reclaim your confidence, body acceptance and joyful self-worth.'
The real turning point came earlier this year- when I left my job at Isle of Paradise. On paper you could put it down to a business decision, but in my bones I knew it was something else. A final fierce step in reclaiming the parts of me I’d silenced. I realised I couldn’t publish a book about confidence, preach body liberation, and still stay small in areas of my life where I was craving expansion. I wanted to reclaim my authenticity.
Take it from me, the shape of your stomach does not relate to the value you can place on this planet. I’m proud of my body and all it allows me to experience and I no longer apologise because, ultimately, there is nothing to apologise for.
Jules Von Hep is a celebrated beauty expert, body confidence advocate, and co-founder of Isle of Paradise