I don’t mean to brag (I totally do), but I won two awards before Wednesday last week. Two separate and unrelated acknowledgements of how damned good I am (#nothumbled)! I know! Anyway: this meant two separate late-night school-night dos (one on a Monday, one on a Tuesday FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE) some consumption of booze and salty canapé snacks, and minimal sleep, at least partly because I was whizzing off my tits on the frantic fizz of my own ego. The ultimate consequence of that was: epic eye bags by Wednesday morning. I mean: basic contours of my face-altering eye bags. I mean: they protruded further than my lips. They gave my nose competition.
Clearly, this could not be allowed to persist, given that I planned to leave the house at some point to graciously accept the approaches of adoring fans who’d tracked me down to commend me upon my BIG FAT WINS.
Happily / out of necessity, I’ve acquired some tricks over the years where the below eye baggage is concerned, one of which involves pronouncing “baggage” with a French accent. Try it with me now.
“Baggage”.
Another involves coating the offending area with a thin layer of QMS Exfoliant Fluid (£67). It’s a fruit acid and enzyme peel, delicate enough to be placed sur le baggage sous-yeux , though it will fizz a little, be ready. Leave if for fifteen minutes, wash it off with cold water, and you will find your baggage is considerably lighter.
Another involves that most classic and basic of tricks, the kind of thing which sounds like it definitely shouldn’t work, but weirdly: does. Leave a couple of teaspoons in the freezer for 24 hours, retrieve and press them gently against the offending puff for as long as you can endure, and voila! Puff-gone! Or at least, substantially reduced.
And the last is modern, expensive - and extraordinary. 111Skin Celestial Black Diamond Eye Mask costs £75 for eight treatments and sounds like the kind of thing beauty companies invent to rip off the gullible, desperate and loaded… But bloody hell! It’s good! I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I only know that 15 minutes after I applied the sexy black rubbery undereye patches to my visage , I peeled them off… And it was as if they took the bags clean away with them!
Would I spend my own money on them?
100%. I’d even wash up the tea spoons myself