We all know the transformative power of make-up. God knows, without concealer, I would probably be an intensely self-involved, shallow hermit of a human being. Inventing the wheel? Whatevs. Pringles? Meh. Because whatever bright spark came up with lipstick, I bow down. In the words of the Kimmy Schmidt theme tune, ‘It’s a miracle!’
Before I begin to exclusively speak in hyperbole and continue to rubbish every other monumental world invention, let me run down five of the smartest ways you can use lipstick to sort your face out in times of trouble (read: alcohol. Mostly alcohol…).
How to use lipstick to…
Hide a hangover (We’re talking sallow skin and eye bags of the major variety)
Oh, the morning after, where the only thing worse than the crippling anxiety and self-loathing is the face staring back at you in the mirror. Puffy, doughy, flaky, if I were a pastry I’d want to eat me, but no one wants an alcoholic croissant. What’s gonna help? A bold lip.
Because when it comes to hiding tired eyes, a bright lip (preferably a pink or an orangery-red) is a winner. If this were an episode of Jonathan Creek, I’d call it lipstick misdirection, but basically, no one will be looking at your doughy eyes when your lips are on point. Just remember to keep the rest of your make-up minimal.
Get whiter teeth
Not been ingesting your Pearl Drops of late? Enamels taking a serious hit from your ever-increasing coffee habit? Fake whiter teeth instantly by offsetting the yellow discolouration with the help of blue lipstick.
While Smurf lipstick is actually having a bit of a moment right now, I would suggest opting for a more wearable blue-toned red, think pillar box, Gwen Stefani brick reds rather than orangey, pinky colours and watch the blue undertones cancel out all the yellow.
Fake fuller lips
There used to be a time when Fat Lip was just an AWESOME Sum 41 song, but now, PKJ (post-Kylie Jenner), getting fatter lips is all The World cares about. It’s pretty easy to achieve, simply line your lips in a light purple shade (nude tones also work well), apply a complementary matte shade over the top, then apply a lighter, glossier shade in the centre of your lips defining your cupids bow for a slight ombré effect that adds to the whole ‘fuller’ illusion.
Or you know, just do that weird Instagram duck face all day. Yeah, that’ll work too.
Pretend you don’t have eye bags
This tip is a bit Handy Andy, and if you’re literally fair of face, I wouldn’t bother, but if you have medium to dark skin then you’ve hit the beauty tip lottery. Dot a bright red lipstick underneath your dark circles, blend in, blend in, blend in, blend in – yeah it takes a while – and when you start to scare yourself, stop.
Then simply apply your foundation and concealer as normal, and the red will have (hopefully) worked its magic, neutralising the greens and blue tones of your bags, leaving you with bag-free skin that may or may not be tinged with red.
Sort out angry red skin
This may sound CRAZY, but when your skin is angry, spotty and just generally taking the mickey, you can help balance and tone down the redness by rocking a berry lip. Yes, berry!
The rich, plum tones will help neutralise the redness in your skin rather than acting as a massive foam foghorn of a finger pointing out all your flaws. I also suggest applying concealer with a brush around the edge of your nose and your chin as this will dramatically, and instantly, make your face look less pissed off.
*Bourjois Rouge Edition Aqua Laque Liquid Lipsticks, is available in tonnes of reds, pinks and nudes, to suit whatever you’re up to. They’re available from Boots and Boots.co.uk, £8.99 each *
Picture: Eylul Aslan
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.