If there's one thing that being a tall lady can guarantee, it's that no one will let you forget it...
1. “Wow, you’re tall.”
Thanks, dear stranger, I must tweet this news which I have never heard before immediately.
2. “How tall are you?”
Nope.
3. “She’s big.”
There is a crucial - and painful - difference between calling someone ‘tall’, which is specific to height and annoying enough in itself, and ‘big’, which is quite obviously implying hugeness all over the body. (Personally, for reasons of clarity, I prefer ‘long’.)
4. “How’s the weather up there?”
“Yeah it’s quite overcast, slight chance of SHUT THE F*CK UP NOW PLEASE.”
5. “Why would you wear heels?”
Asked most frequently by defensive men whose entire self-esteem is teetering dangerously on that white lie they told about being six foot, when they clearly barely on the cusp of 5’10”. Note: the pronounced angle at which their heads crane backwards to peer up at your face is in direct ratio to the percentage rate per second at which their perceived masculinity is fading.
6. Hugging small people.
They get a face full of bosom, or you get a bum-elevating knee clash with a side order of awkward arms.
7. Finding out a potential date is under six foot.
“But we’re all the same size when we’re horizontal…”
8. Maxi dresses.
And the crushing realisation that even the longest garment available on the market is somehow too short. Also see the loosely named ‘long-sleeved’ shirt and jumpsuits for front-bum and back-bum wedgies, camel toe and shoulder seam-splitting banter - and ‘regular length trousers’. HAHAHA.
9. Knee-aches.
Aeroplane seats, bath tubs, desks, dining room tables, sinks, occasional doorways and everything else designed for non-giant varieties of people.
10. Everyone notices you. Everyone.
But also, everyone notices you… Try and enjoy it from time to time.